Friday, January 13, 2012

broken and bruised.

i've officially started my degree! so happy really :) been so bored staying at home for the past 2 months doing nothing. basically this week was just introductory to the two subjects that i'm taking for this short semester which is English Language Proficiency 1 and Trends In English Language. the latter subject is pretty tough I feel. i'm sure with lots of studying, i'll be able to do it =)

the best part of this intake is, there's only 10 of us in a class. compared to my diploma, there were at least 50 in a class which made the learning atmosphere more congested and noisy. this is better, in my opinion. we can focus better and asking the lecturer questions you dont understand would be much easier. so far, i'm loving the classes and the people in these classes. there's only 10 of us that we can even go for lunch together :D 

my housemates and in fact, half of MSU students were having their mid semester exams this week so everyone was busy studying and all that. and what was I doing? watching movies everyday because I had no assignments, no notes to study, nothing at all to do. at least two movies a day okay. that is how lifeless I am. of course, I did help my juniors a bit, who is also my housemates with their subjects that i've already taken before in my diploma.

there was one night I decided to watch Dear John. I thought I could control my emotions but yeah, knowing me, I just lost it. no, I didnt burst out crying in front of my housemates. I just held back my tears and felt that really really tight knot in my throat the whole time. and I felt really homesick at that time that I wanted to run home and tuck myself under my blanket and weep. but no, I controlled myself. then I had to listen to this one song la, again started emoing. already the movie murdered me, the song just crucified me. 

I went to bed and put my earphones on trying to fall asleep. as the songs were playing one by one, it stopped to Blessings by Laura Story. tears immediately started steaming down my face and I sat on my bed and just cried. cried till I finally had no energy left, then I went back to bed. all I know is, the next day I felt so much better. I didn't have to ask God anything that night, He knew what was troubling me and He made me feel better. God always knows.

i'm back home in Kajang now and I feel alive as anything =) 

besides that, did I mention ignorance is a bliss? oh I didn't. well here's the thing, I didnt hear from you nor did you hear from me for the past one week past I can safely say. of course, the first few days it felt like it was killing me inside. like I said, i'm so used to you being there texting me every single day. and when you're not around, I feel empty. but after that few days hearing nothing from you, I finally got a grip of myself. not completely but slowly. so I want to thank you, for ignoring me. because by that, i'll get over you. slowly. its hard, but I hope finally someday I will. 

dont say there's no one for you out there. i've been here all along. you pushed me away. there's nothing I can do about that. I hope one day you realize that. i've always been here. 

enough with the sentimental stuff. just felt like pouring out those things here. so yeaaahh.. went for a wedding just now and an uncle said something that made me think. he said "I always like coming for wedding dinners. because its where Jesus did his first miracle, at a wedding. the miracle here is the bride and the groom" :') so nice right? tres tres bien! :) 

hope you have a good weekend everyone! =) 

broken and bruised longing for you
and i dont know what i'm waiting for

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