Thursday, November 26, 2009

New Moon

Its been a while since i last blogged..busy with college already.. i love my new sem..meeting everyone again and its just a whole new atmosphere..totally fun..my lecturers are also very very nice..2 of them are kinda boring but nevertheless, they are still very nice and motherly..I've got Prof J( the strict one) as my lect for Philosophy of Education, Mdm Fuziah for Counseling and Guidance, Mdm Izlin for Presentation Skills, Mdm Saadah for Introduction to Critical Thinking and the one and only DR P.K!!!! hahaha...he's teaching me Sociology in Education.. He's so so so funny mann...he's from India so you can imagine how he talks..like a bullet train and you cant understand a thing..lol..

so yest, i was all hyped up coz i was supposed to watch New Moon at night with the youths.. But, me and my idiotic ways caused me not to go for it..i went to coll and finished class at 11am..then i thought since today will be a holiday, maybe i could spend some time with my friends la before i go..like have lunch or smtg..so i stayed back till 2 plus and then Naufal's sis sent me to the station.. and as usual the KTM was delayed for an hour plus..before that, Naufal told me to go back with Giha coz she's also staying in Kajang..but she had class till 4 and i thought and assumed that it'll be too late if i go back with her..what i didnt know was, i was making the most stupidest decision ever..

I waited and waited at the station for almost and hour plus plus and the train still never showed up..it was 4pm already at that time..the train ended up coming at 4.35pm..i called Giha and asked her where she was..she said she's at home..if only i had followed her...haizzz....so yeah, instead of getting of at KL Sentral, i got of at KL station and the train came within a few minutes and it wasnt very full yet..i reached Kajang at 6.05pm and daddy came to fetch me..and he gave me a looooooonggggg nag on how irresponsible i am and that everyday after class finish, i am to take the train straight home.. and that my results weren't good enough coz i had one C out of the A's and B's...then he said "since you have not shown me that you're responsible and came back late, i dont care what the youths are doing, and as for today, you are not going anywhere."

I closed the car door trying to fight back my emotions that was rushing through my whole body and i fought back the tears that would have just flowed down like waterfalls.. i went in, greeted my grandma and went to her room and i couldnt hold it any longer and i just burst out in tears.. Christine and Freddie called but there was nothing i could do to change my dad's mind..neither could my mother do.. so i just had to let it go and be optimistic that there will be another time when i could go out with them again.. it was my fault in the first place.. so, i missed out on New Moon, the movie that i've been waiting for the whole year due to my stupidity...Hopefully i can get to watch it next week..

Just a msg for you daddy...
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect



Daddy, i know you dont read my blog but i just feel like writting it anyways.. I'm sorry i cant be the perfect daughter that you want..Smart, Responsible, Hardworking, and all that.. I try to be like that but sometimes you gotta accept me for who i am and not wanting more from me.. I tried to give you the best that i can give but its never enough for you.. I dont know how much more i can cope if you keep pushing me like that. I am 18 years old already and i'm all grown up now.. There's a time in life where you have to let me go and I'll show you that i can be an independent girl. I'm sorry i cant be the smart daughter that you want and wish to have. I'm just average and i'm trying my hardest to be the best and i know that i will achieve it someday. I need you to believe in me and i know that i'll have the strength to push harder. I still love you daddy no matter what and i know that someday you'll see a different person in me. 

2 comments:

  1. hahaha. dr.PK mmg sangat2 funny kan. if you're at the back seat, seriously, you wont understand anything. so, lesson of the day, must concentrate in his class not to mention, dont miss even one word in his sentence.haha

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaha...i selalu je duduk depan la..so ok la..tapi still tak faham what he says..

    ReplyDelete